Kueh Raya last Min ~ ~

**** Double-Choc Koko Crunch ****

**** Honey-Glazed Cornflakes ****

First and for all, Aku nak cakap tima kasih bebanyak dekat Nadiah, Yaya and Fadilah sebab semalam dorang jadk food-taster @ critics untuk kueh raya aku. Thnx sebab bg honest remarks korang..Hehehehe..

Aku sajer jer upload dekat blog sebab aku tau tak ramai orang tau yang blog aku wujud and blog aku tak ramai follower...Hehehehe

So...sesaper yang nak rasa, sila kan lah diri anda datang ke teratak aku yang tak sesebrapa ni..

Last but not least...Selamat Hari Raya Aidil Fitri Maaf Zahir & Batin.
Jika ada tersalah-silap disana- sini, Harap maafkanlah yer ~ ~

Teman dan Chocolate Chip

Alhamdulillah...
Siap sudah chocolate chip cookie aku ni.
*Walaupun chocolate cookie aku ni tak nampak mcm kat atas*
Dengan berkat tolong mummy dan abah, at last kuih aku siap gak satu balang.
This is my First attempt buat coklat cip ni hasil mengikut resipi dekat internet. Aku belasah je. Tapi at last alhamdulilah it turn out sedap lah wlpn tak sesedap famous amos. Tapi overall sedap. *Errr ni puji diri sendiri ke?*
hmmm....
selalunyer aku akan buat cornflakes madu aje. Tapi entah kenapa aku tetibe terrrrrgerak nak buat coklat cip ni. Apakah penyebabnyer smp aku jadk rajin nak buat coklat cip wlpn die punye persediaan agak leceh. ^_~
Nvr mind. Aku just keep to my self though. Hahahaha
That is soo lame lah sey..

Okay...enough with that.
Tadi..aku ade iftar dengan bebdk irsyad yang lain.
My god. After 5 years tau, Bru dpt jumpe balik?
Hailoh..sumer dah berubah. Dan ade jer yang dah bertunang. Alhamdulillah.
Happy sangat tadi jumpe dorang. N tak sangka, wlpn aku slalu benar MIA, but i was really touched when Mardiah said to me "No matter what, you'll always be part of us.."
Uwaaaa...so sweet!!!!!
Ni sumer happened after Ainul buat tazkirah after maghrib. We had a open -sesi bermaafan-..n yes..i cried. Entah knp tetibe aku nanges. Syahdu sungguh!
Hahahaha...
Errr...
nak citer cikit.
Lepas maghrib tadi ade lah sesi updates psl diri sendiri.
So..ya lah, we had to tell lah our current situatons lah like study pat mana,tahun brape,course ape..yada n yada..
So turn aku,
Ehehehe..aku intro lah..
than aku ckp
*seperti Ainul,Aku juga insya ALLAH akan migarte. Tapi dekat je. Malaysia.*

Skali...

Natrah sampuk "ouh...." (wth her index finger goin back and fronth)

she said "Ni mesti dah ade calon ni kan????"
Hahahaha..than the whole living room went up-roared!!!!
Sape? Orang mane? Nasib baik x tnye satu U ke tdk..Phew ~ ~
Fullamak...
hmmm..
Harap-harap malam ni mlm lailatul qadar..
Harap-harap ALLAH makbulkan doa aku.
Hopefully...adakah Si dia adalah that someone?
Amin..Amin Ya rabbal Amin.

Die!

Errr...aku tak tau sebenarnye nak blog pasal ape. Tapi entah lah ehk kenapa aku tetibe rindu die. Rindu nak chat dengan die. Rindu sangat dengan loyar buruk die. Rindu sangat dengan idea die. Rindu sangat dengan celoteh ‘berisi’ die. Rindu sangat dengan perangai die yang kepo ala-ala concern gitu. Tapi i don’t know how to reach him. He may be walking on the same grounds and under same cloud as me but he seems to be far away. Million miles apart. How i wish i could spent an evening with him just to talk and exchange ideas. How i wish he would be the very friend i wish he could be.

Errr...Muhasabah ^_~

Tomorrow’s gonna be the 24rd day of fasting . Another 6 more days to hari raya. And i started to ponder on something. Last Saturday, (maaf lah klw post2 akan datang ni mesti ade perkataan LAST dan diikuti oleh nama hari. Ive been very busy juggling to understand philosophies) i went for an iftar with my dear friends of IRSYADIANS. Im so gonna miss those moments spent with dear Mahera,Sakinah,Fatimah and Husna! When i reached Husna’s car, i noticed slightly different about her. It was her clothing. Than aku cube ingat2 balik. 2 minggu lepas, cara pemakain die lain. Hari ni lain. Ruper-rupernye bukan aku sorang jer yang notice die dah berubah. Yang lain pun perasan. Alhamdulillah aku happy die berubah from good to better. Biler pulak aku nak jadi macam gitu kan? Biler yang lain tanye nape Una tukar? Die jawab simple giler. “Aku malu dengan diri aku sendiri.” And i know deep down inside die change for the sake of ALLAH. To be a better Muslimah. Ya ALLAH bile pulak turn aku?

Aku tak tau whether aku ni tak kuat untuk berubah atau aku memang tak nak berubah. Tapi hati aku rindu nak ke arah yang lebih ‘terisi’. Aku masih tercari-cari ape die sebenarnye konsep ‘terisi’ tu?

Sabar atau perlu maki balik?

This was supposed to be last friday's entry. But since i was super duper attending iftar disana sini dengan member2 UIA dan yang bukan UIA maka, entry ni aku terpaksa delay. Nak dijadikan cerita, Jumaat lepas aku ikot zeid pergi jalan T.A.R and daerah Mesjid Jamek sebab..(ala, biaselah. Kalau dah dinamakan perempuan, mestilah cari barang tok raya kan? So aku ikot die g carik shawl dan cuci mata dengan baju2 raya yang sangat glam tahun ni!!!) So, from one shop to the other shop kiterorang masuk. Tapi tetibe hujan turun dengan maha lebatnyer so, tak santai sangat lah. Sebab agak leceh nak shopping dekat jalan TAR tu bile hujan. Memang lecak habis. Tapi aku dengan zeid masih meneruskan misi kiter dengan mencarik-carik shawl yang cantik dengan harga yang berpatutan. (ade satu kedai tu, die jual shawl dengan harge rm25! Cekik darah betol!).

At last, dapat lah semua shawl yang die nak tu. Shawl biase2 je. N aku yang @ first tak nak beli,akhirnye beli jugak satu. Untuk waktu aku malas nak pakai tudung biase dengan brooch,maka aku akan lilit je shawl ni and pakai ngn abaya. ^_~

Than...aku decide, ape kata kiter buka dekat KLCC? Zeid die okay jer. Die manusia paling senang aku dampingi sejak 3 tahun yang lalu. Tak banyak songeh. Asalkan die dapat makan, die okay jer. Than kiter pon gerak to Lrt mesjid Jamek. Sampai jer dekat LRT station, aku dah tak nampak counter ticket dah..yang aku nampak manusia jer..dah mcm lautan manusia dah station mesjid Jamek tu. Okay, tu satu hal, pastu train plak buat hal. Dah lah lambat satu hal pastu this one particular pintu ni bole tertutup dengan sendirinyer! Hailoo ~ ~ nasib baik aku dapat tarik zeid. Klw tak, tersepit kawan aku yang sorang ni!

Alhamdulillah...walaupon sesak degan manusia, tapi akhirnye, sampai gak aku dengan zeid dekat KLCC. So, since sampai je dekat KLCC, waktu dah nak maghrib, aku ngn zeid gerak g surau die dekat ground level. Biler dah masuk maghrib and zeid dah solat kiter troz g carik makan. After makan and jalan2 sambil window shopping its time to go back. Tyme aku on the way nak ke LRT, tetibe aku mcm dengar ade orang panggil ""adik..adik" for several times (errr..knp asyik aku jer yang dengar tapi bukan zeid?) so aku toleh lah. Kot..kot ade barang tercicir ke hape ke...sekali ade satu pakcik ni tercegat kat depan aku sambil tersengih mcm kerang busuk..

Die cakap kat aku yang die takde duit and beg duit die plus phone sumer tercicir. Aku rase pelik semacam jer..dah lah bahasekan diri die "abang"! Abang lah sangat..rambut dah beruban! Aku pikir2..patot ke aku bagi duet atau ni tatik kotor sestengah manusia?

Tapi @ last aku tak bagi sebab die tipu! Die kate die takder duet. Tapi biler dier seluk poket die (kononyer nak tunjuk yang die takde duet..) aku ade lah nampak duet singit-singit (dlm rm2 atau rm3 gtu) and duet syilling. Zeid bisik kat aku, "syai, die ade duit". Aku teros pusing n buat bodo.

Sekali aku terdengar "SIAL LAH KORANG"

Errrr....tersirap darah aku. patut ke aku: a) Diam n jalan teros

b) Baling die dengan kasut Vincci aku?!

I need a 'Kick'!!!!

Ahhh...i simply could not justify my feelings right now! I really need the ‘kick’ like the one in the INCEPTION to kick me out from this stupid day-dream. Seriously i have no words to describe whatever my feelings is right now. Sometimes i wish that i could just delete this feelings from growing. But who am i to challenge the great ‘being’ up there? I mean,he is the one who blew this so-called love to me,right? Oh God..Dear..Dear God, it’s only been several months when my heart was crushed like being trampled by an elephant and now you are testing me with a new ‘person’?

Okay,since the day that he told me that “we’re better just be friends. Good friends” [To *&^% when you mentioned friends!] I was like “thats it! I will not accept those who are from this school and Unibersity!”. Now, i’ll loathe the very place which i place very dear to my heart and i’ll even loathe to everything which associates with him! I know im being illogical,absurd,emotional [call me whatever you like] but,come on...i should be in that state. Fine. I wont tolerate with who ever graduate fron that U. Its like what the peribahasa stated “Kerana nila setitik,rosak susu sebelanga”? Yeap..My God, i should not be ditching around like this. For the sake of this blog,i’ll ditch but to tell you the truth, Alhamdulillah i’m in a better state right now. Following all the advices from friends near and far. I belive what ever happend there will be reasons behind it. I am all contempt and shall move on to another phase of my life.

Okay,speaking about this particular university, someone whom i tought had already moved on,ym-ed me out of the blue. As usual he’ll be asking about my condition,studies and my heart. My Heart? My heart is not considering right now. He asked mw wether i have some one new? Honestly i replied that i dont know. [was that a lie? I dont know. Was the adrenaline rushing considered i have some one new?]. He told me the very exact answer he told me years back. I kept quite. Including this, i dont how many times i’ve turned him down. Two years ago, it was obvious that i’m waiting for that somone which eventually crushed my heart. Tonight, i turned him down again. Reason? God, syaida! Be reasonable!!

So apa yang tak kene sangat kat dia sampai dah berkali-kali die mintak tapi ko tetap tak nak beri juga? Kira okaylah,cukup sifat. Ada dua mata,satu hidung kan? Ada good education background,graduate from a pretigious background, so ape lagi yang tak cukup? Zeid cakap aku patut bagi die chance. Chance? Peluang? Hailooo..ini yang susah sikit klw aku nak merealisasikan! So macam mana aku explain biar terang sikit? I think he always came at the wrong time and at the wrong place! Frankly speaking, i like someone now. [But i cant really say it is love.Myabe its just an infatuation.]There is a person who is filling my mind right now. That...i dont deny. Tapi zeid cakap “He is not bad,what? Give him a chance lah..” Macam mana aku nak kasi chance klw aku tak nak buat istikharah pon? Tak terlintas pon nak buat istikharah? And i never invoked his name at my prayers? Macam mana kalau hati aku tak nak jugak pegi dekat petaling jaya but instead it wants to go somewhere else? And aku tak pernah mintak pada ALLAH supaya dekatkan atau permudahkan segalanya antara aku dgn dia? Orang kata tak kenal maka tak cinta. Tapi aku dah kenal die nak dekat 2 tahun. Tak cinta-cinta pun. So, aku ke yang bersalah? Why came back and put me in this uncomfort zone? Why?

So..patut ke aku lari jauh ke Uganda and forget about everything??

T___T

Sorry for the looooong dissapperance!

Patut ke aku lancar kempen merajuk dekat mereka-mereka yang si hantu tu rapat? Seriously right now im feeling rather pathetic than usual. Pathetic yang teramat sangat. I simply could not elaborate what are my feelings right now. Is it genuine or not. Well for a start, my feelings terhadap si hantu sekor tu makin hari makin berkurangan. I guess its a good sign lah kan? Alhamdulillah sebab dah berkurangan and tak stagnant macam dulu. Tapi aku tak deny yang kadang-kadang tu ade lah jugak ingatan-ingatan yang aku cube nak delete dari kotak memori aku ni muncul. Muncul gitu-gitu ajer. I guess its just in the ‘kenang-kenang’ mode. Kalau lah otak aku ni macam programme laptop, dah lama aku delete semua ingatan aku kat die and aku letak anti-hantu punye firewall. Bukan setakat die yang tak bole tembus, tapi dengan ingatan-ingatan tentang die sekali tak bole tembus! Puas hati!

All my life, this have been the greatest lesson ever. And as a history student,i dont wish this particular history would repeat itself...well this is all im going to bable about the hantu. Shall we jump to next phase of my life since 5 months ago? Okay. So, ape yang telah terjadi? Macam-macam. I have a question which i guess most of us could not answer. The question is “Have you ever denied your feelings for someone because your fear of rejection is too hard to handle?” My answer would be yes.

I simply could not justify my feelings right now. I dont even know what ever thing is growing inside me. Is it a school girl crush? Is it Love? Or simply a rebound? But i am certain that it is not a rebound. My feelings towards him just grew without any warning. I would appreciate if there is a warning sign around. My bestfriend thinks that im all in the lovey dovey mode and im falling for him. Which i dont deny. Yes. He is bloody captivating eventhough he can be bloody sacarstic at times. But i do not have a choice instead of confessing [that would be very bold isn’t? Im not that bold enough to confront him.] i had to deny my feelings. Everyday when i woke from sleep, i had to remind myself to deny whatever feelings that lays in my heart. Eventough it can be hurtful to deny my own feelings, i guess its a good practise from not getting hurt again. Past experiences taught me not to be easy with guys. They can be charming. They can be sweet. They can even be pain in the ass sometimes. =]

I prayed for him in my prayers which im very,very,very ashamed towards ALLAH. I pray for a guy instead of praying to get ‘rahmah’ from him. Sheesh...but i could not help it! Hahahaha..this is very weird! So urmm..i guess im being very pathetic right now. Simply pathetic!!!..

So..i guess i’ll continue later..Cherrios mate! (^_~)