Ahhh...i simply could not justify my feelings right now! I really need the ‘kick’ like the one in the INCEPTION to kick me out from this stupid day-dream. Seriously i have no words to describe whatever my feelings is right now. Sometimes i wish that i could just delete this feelings from growing. But who am i to challenge the great ‘being’ up there? I mean,he is the one who blew this so-called love to me,right? Oh God..Dear..Dear God, it’s only been several months when my heart was crushed like being trampled by an elephant and now you are testing me with a new ‘person’?
Okay,since the day that he told me that “we’re better just be friends. Good friends” [To *&^% when you mentioned friends!] I was like “thats it! I will not accept those who are from this school and Unibersity!”. Now, i’ll loathe the very place which i place very dear to my heart and i’ll even loathe to everything which associates with him! I know im being illogical,absurd,emotional [call me whatever you like] but,come on...i should be in that state. Fine. I wont tolerate with who ever graduate fron that U. Its like what the peribahasa stated “Kerana nila setitik,rosak susu sebelanga”? Yeap..My God, i should not be ditching around like this. For the sake of this blog,i’ll ditch but to tell you the truth, Alhamdulillah i’m in a better state right now. Following all the advices from friends near and far. I belive what ever happend there will be reasons behind it. I am all contempt and shall move on to another phase of my life.
Okay,speaking about this particular university, someone whom i tought had already moved on,ym-ed me out of the blue. As usual he’ll be asking about my condition,studies and my heart. My Heart? My heart is not considering right now. He asked mw wether i have some one new? Honestly i replied that i dont know. [was that a lie? I dont know. Was the adrenaline rushing considered i have some one new?]. He told me the very exact answer he told me years back. I kept quite. Including this, i dont how many times i’ve turned him down. Two years ago, it was obvious that i’m waiting for that somone which eventually crushed my heart. Tonight, i turned him down again. Reason? God, syaida! Be reasonable!!
So apa yang tak kene sangat kat dia sampai dah berkali-kali die mintak tapi ko tetap tak nak beri juga? Kira okaylah,cukup sifat. Ada dua mata,satu hidung kan? Ada good education background,graduate from a pretigious background, so ape lagi yang tak cukup? Zeid cakap aku patut bagi die chance. Chance? Peluang? Hailooo..ini yang susah sikit klw aku nak merealisasikan! So macam mana aku explain biar terang sikit? I think he always came at the wrong time and at the wrong place! Frankly speaking, i like someone now. [But i cant really say it is love.Myabe its just an infatuation.]There is a person who is filling my mind right now. That...i dont deny. Tapi zeid cakap “He is not bad,what? Give him a chance lah..” Macam mana aku nak kasi chance klw aku tak nak buat istikharah pon? Tak terlintas pon nak buat istikharah? And i never invoked his name at my prayers? Macam mana kalau hati aku tak nak jugak pegi dekat petaling jaya but instead it wants to go somewhere else? And aku tak pernah mintak pada ALLAH supaya dekatkan atau permudahkan segalanya antara aku dgn dia? Orang kata tak kenal maka tak cinta. Tapi aku dah kenal die nak dekat 2 tahun. Tak cinta-cinta pun. So, aku ke yang bersalah? Why came back and put me in this uncomfort zone? Why?
So..patut ke aku lari jauh ke Uganda and forget about everything??
T___T
Okay,since the day that he told me that “we’re better just be friends. Good friends” [To *&^% when you mentioned friends!] I was like “thats it! I will not accept those who are from this school and Unibersity!”. Now, i’ll loathe the very place which i place very dear to my heart and i’ll even loathe to everything which associates with him! I know im being illogical,absurd,emotional [call me whatever you like] but,come on...i should be in that state. Fine. I wont tolerate with who ever graduate fron that U. Its like what the peribahasa stated “Kerana nila setitik,rosak susu sebelanga”? Yeap..My God, i should not be ditching around like this. For the sake of this blog,i’ll ditch but to tell you the truth, Alhamdulillah i’m in a better state right now. Following all the advices from friends near and far. I belive what ever happend there will be reasons behind it. I am all contempt and shall move on to another phase of my life.
Okay,speaking about this particular university, someone whom i tought had already moved on,ym-ed me out of the blue. As usual he’ll be asking about my condition,studies and my heart. My Heart? My heart is not considering right now. He asked mw wether i have some one new? Honestly i replied that i dont know. [was that a lie? I dont know. Was the adrenaline rushing considered i have some one new?]. He told me the very exact answer he told me years back. I kept quite. Including this, i dont how many times i’ve turned him down. Two years ago, it was obvious that i’m waiting for that somone which eventually crushed my heart. Tonight, i turned him down again. Reason? God, syaida! Be reasonable!!
So apa yang tak kene sangat kat dia sampai dah berkali-kali die mintak tapi ko tetap tak nak beri juga? Kira okaylah,cukup sifat. Ada dua mata,satu hidung kan? Ada good education background,graduate from a pretigious background, so ape lagi yang tak cukup? Zeid cakap aku patut bagi die chance. Chance? Peluang? Hailooo..ini yang susah sikit klw aku nak merealisasikan! So macam mana aku explain biar terang sikit? I think he always came at the wrong time and at the wrong place! Frankly speaking, i like someone now. [But i cant really say it is love.Myabe its just an infatuation.]There is a person who is filling my mind right now. That...i dont deny. Tapi zeid cakap “He is not bad,what? Give him a chance lah..” Macam mana aku nak kasi chance klw aku tak nak buat istikharah pon? Tak terlintas pon nak buat istikharah? And i never invoked his name at my prayers? Macam mana kalau hati aku tak nak jugak pegi dekat petaling jaya but instead it wants to go somewhere else? And aku tak pernah mintak pada ALLAH supaya dekatkan atau permudahkan segalanya antara aku dgn dia? Orang kata tak kenal maka tak cinta. Tapi aku dah kenal die nak dekat 2 tahun. Tak cinta-cinta pun. So, aku ke yang bersalah? Why came back and put me in this uncomfort zone? Why?
So..patut ke aku lari jauh ke Uganda and forget about everything??
T___T
