Relationship + Boys = Bloody Mess....

Relationships + Boys = Bloody Mess! That was the equation i've recently applied in my life. Siapa kata tak ada benda yang lagi susah dari equation E=mc Squared? Ada...and that is Emotion = Emosi.

Petang tadi..ade discussion on this very popular topic lah...RELATIONSHIPS! Lain orang lain lain pendapat. Ada yang cakap Relationships are all about give and take and tolerence [toleransi]. Pada aku it's just messy and headache. Nampak sangat yang aku ni judgemental dan pesimis dalam hal yang berkaitan chenta-chenta dan perasaan. Mungkin sebab aku pernah diketemukan dengan mereka-mereka yang akhirnya membuatkan aku jadi saaaaangat pesimis dan judgemental.

Kawan aku ada cakap...kalau ikut statistik, disebabkan hanya kerana 2 orang aku jadi macam gini...aku tak logik. Dan aku ni seolah-olah being very phobiatic[is there such a word?] against relationships. Maybe...

Getting hurt again and again is part of being in relationships. Or maybe a trial for the relationships. I have been hurt before and thats the main reason i build a wall around me. Is it my nature? I myself are not able to answer the question. Tapi...aku berpegang pada janji ALLAH. Setiap mahkluk tu dijadikan berpasang-pasangan. Samada jodoh itu cepat atau lambat.

Conclusion of the discussion? My friend assumed that my hadaf [goal] adalah andartu! No Relationships + No Boys = ANDARTU? FEMINIST?

Sangatlah kasar konkulsi kawan aku ni terhadap aku. Sebaik ajer die buat konklusi tersebut, Pencilbox aku melayang tepat kena dada dia! Doakan aku jadi ANDARTU lagi...!

An empath within me

I am not raedy to return back to UIAM for the second semester of 09/10. Seriously im kinda lacking lots and lots of enthusiasm to start classes and lectures. Two weeks spending in my home basically doing nothing else than watching the hit tv series 'CHARMED'. And besides watching charmed on youtube ive been doing nothing especially after getting know about MY results. Results that really killed my weekend,killed my spirit,killed my enthusiasm,killed almost half of my sanity and finally like adding salt to injury, it totally stepped on my esteem making me felt more inferiority complex to others especially my inner circle of friends.

Eventhough i have failed one paper during my 2nd semester [08/09] and yes it killed my day but what amazed me is that i did not shed even a single tear when i heard i failed yet another paper for this semester. I just dont feel the need of crying over a spilt milk. Maybe it was because that i have already forsee that i am goin to fail the paper that made me feel like not crying. Amazing isn't it?

Amused...i am amused with myself for not sheding a single tear for my failure. But hell yeah when people coming up to me saying " Alah...it's one paper you failed but you've aced an A for a paper..." Hahahahaha...its easier said than done isn't it? Well yes of course is it. Becuase it's goin to be my *&^ who's gonna sit for that paper but not u...what good is it anyway if u aced an A for A paper but yet you failed the other paper? Dosen't sound like a party to me. I dont care if the paper that i failed consist 1 or 0.5 credit hour but the things that bugged me is that i failed a 3 credit hour paper staright in two semesters!

Uuughh..i am totally pissed off! somtimes i wonder why those people who constantly said that they are not good enough but eventually in the end the scored the damn paper? Why is it always me???? I did not curse the lecturer...i came to his classes..i did what i've been told..but why this 'stuff' ended on me?!

"Hajat aku untuk dapat A untuk QPR tercapai..." WTH was that supposed to mean...i dont prayed it that way. What does it good anyway....Hmph!